The panelists on a recent edition of ITV1’s popular daytime show Loose Women were discussing a study that had shown that the most common room in the house for people to have a row is the kitchen. Janet Street-Porter’s comments about getting cross with the person in her household who doesn’t replace the lids properly on jars and Ruth Langsford talking about husband Eamonn Holmes’ habit of putting the yoghurt pot lid wet-side down on the worktop and leaving it there made the audience roar with laughter. Another big laugh came when Katie Piper made the following comment on marriage:  “I don’t think marriage is about arguing. Marriage is being passive-aggressive and ignoring each other for three years!” There was no doubt that members of the audience resonated with all the contributions from the panel.

Conflict is a natural part of life, and how we choose to respond to it can have a significant impact on the outcome of the situation. There are both right and wrong ways to handle conflict, and understanding the difference can make all the difference.

The right way to respond to a conflict situation involves open communication, active listening, and a willingness to find a resolution that benefits all parties involved. It requires setting aside personal biases and focusing on the issue at hand. By approaching conflict with empathy and understanding, we can work towards a solution that promotes harmony and growth.  This is also the foundation of the mediation process.

On the other hand, the wrong way to respond to a conflict situation is through aggression and hostility. Reacting with anger or defensiveness only escalates the tension and makes it more difficult to reach a resolution. This approach often leads to a breakdown in communication and can damage relationships irreparably. Instead of seeking common ground, those who respond to conflict in this manner tend to focus on winning at all costs, which ultimately harms everyone involved.  

Another wrong way to handle conflict is through avoidance or passive-aggressive behaviour. Ignoring the issue or pretending that everything is fine may provide temporary relief but does not address the underlying problem. This approach only allows the conflict to fester and escalate, leading to more significant issues down the line.

Renowned relationship expert Dr John Gottman who has been conducting research on relationships for over 50 years concluded that there are four communication styles that are most likely to predict the end of a relationship. These are criticism; defensiveness; contempt; and stonewalling. You can find out more at The Gottman Institute website or you can check out the series of social media posts on these communication styles we posted on our Facebook and Instagram pages earlier this year.

In conclusion, responding to conflict in the right way requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to find common ground. Approaching conflict with aggression or avoidance only exacerbates the issue and hinders resolution. By choosing to handle conflict in a constructive manner, we can foster healthier relationships and create a more harmonious environment.

If you’re based in the Sevenoaks, Tonbridge and Malling, or Tunbridge Wells areas, contact West Kent Mediation to find out if we can help you resolve any conflict in your life. You can read more about our neighbourhood, family and workplace mediation services on our website and contact us by email at theoffice@wkm.org.uk or by telephone on 01732 469696.